


heart made of glass (my mind of stone)

by absolutemperor4 (ShadoWolf55)



Series: Clexa Week 2019 [6]
Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: A lot of hatred between Clarke and Lexa, Angst, Anya is Alive, Canon Universe, Clexaweek2019, Day 6, Enemies to Lovers, F/F, Lexa never attacked Clarke, Marriage, mentions of Costia - Freeform, not much angst, pinning
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-03-03
Updated: 2019-03-03
Packaged: 2019-11-08 17:29:08
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 10,000
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17985539
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ShadoWolf55/pseuds/absolutemperor4
Summary: "You may be the leader, Clarke kom Skaikru, but I am the Commander of the 13 clans. I own your clan, and everything that comes with it. Your land is my land and your people, is my people. Or perhaps that concept is a little too... difficult for you to understand. Maybe some drawings of stickmen, as you call them, will help you better comprehend this fact.""I am the Commander of the 13 clans, your land is my land, don't give me that bullshit. You're not a commander, you're just a manipulative, hateful bitch!" Clarke spat and Lexa looked at her unamused.or the one where clarke is the leader of Skaikru and lexa is the Commander and they hate each other but are forced into something they to protect their people (also they think they hate each other but haha, wrong, you're in love, fools.)inspired bythis post(day 6 : enemies to lovers)





	heart made of glass (my mind of stone)

**Author's Note:**

> This is a long one. 10k words. Part of me can't believe I wrote this but it had definitely seemed promising.
> 
> This is set in the canon universe except Mount Weather didn't happen yet and Clarke never burned Lexa's people. Anya is still alive. Titus is still pissed and the threat of Nia and Azgeda has never been greater.
> 
> When I read the prompt, I laughed and knew it was definitely fit for today's theme. Enemies to Lovers? Definitely. It's a two parter with a small cliffhanger but I promise I will continue it. Please enjoy.

"I don't just make such decisions for fun. If you understood, you wouldn't question me like that. Guards, take him away!" Lexa dismissed the traitor with a wave of her hand and the guards pulled him away while he cursed and swore at her. She walked out to the balcony and noticed a commotion going on in the marketplace. She heard the familiar threats and angry curses as she looked on, amused. Ah, it was time.

At that moment, one of her guards came rushing in. "Heda, we tried to stop her but she's already making her way over."

Lexa nodded, knowing what exactly was going on. She had already expected such a reaction when she issued that order.

She sat down at her throne and twirled her sword, awaiting the arrival of the headstrong, unpleasant leader.

"Heda, it is best if you let me do the talking."

"You will stand there and stay quiet or you will leave, Titus. This is not your business."

"But Heda-"

Lexa raised her fingers and he promptly kept quiet, a disgruntled look on his face. She crossed her legs and looked at the door expectedly. A few seconds later, someone kicked the doors open and stomped in.

"How DARE you do this!" She roared and Lexa looked at her, seemingly entertained. "I know you hate me, but that, that was way too far. THAT land, is MINE. You can't station your army there!"

"Oh, I wasn't aware that the piece of land, that is clearly mine, was yours. Must have missed the big sign with your name written across it." Lexa's lips curled into a smile as she got up from her throne and walked towards Clarke. "If you looked at the map, and that is if you are able to read a map, you will realise that that piece of land is within Trikru territory. In fact, I own all pieces of land from every clan. You may be the leader, Clarke kom Skaikru, but I am the Commander of the 13 clans. I own your clan, and everything that comes with it. Your land is my land and your people, is my people. Or perhaps that concept is a little too... _difficult_ for you to understand. Maybe some drawings of stickmen, as you call them, will help you better comprehend this fact." She said the last words with condescending tone and watched as Clarke's anger climbed to newer heights.

"I demand you to withdraw your army!" Titus immediately took a step forward but Lexa stopped him from stepping in. "I am the Commander of the 13 clans, your land is my land," Clarke said those words in a sing-song mocking tone and Lexa looked at her unamused. "Don't give me that bullshit. You're not a Commander, you're just a manipulative, hateful bitch! My people need the land. We need to grow food for Winter Storage. If you don't plan to give up the land, at least give us enough food to last us the entire winter! I'm sure you wouldn't want _your people_ to starve to death, would you?"

"Well, your people may be my people, but you are still their leader. If they starved to death, that is on you. Besides, I can't do either, so it's probably best if you work around my plans, seeing as how I'm a ' _manipulative, hateful bitch'_." Lexa's voice was dripping with sarcasm and Clarke nearly exploded. How dare Lexa use Clarke's own words against her! Infuriated, Clarke took another step closer such that they were within arms distance. "Maybe if you stopped being so immature for a second, you would realise I have troops near every clan now, not just yours."

"Your troops don't even serve a purpose there! There's no reason for you to use that piece of land as a base when I can use it to keep my people alive!" Clarke cried out exasperatedly.

"Listen, Clarke. My troops are there to protect you. Nia is after me again," Lexa chose to ignore the disgruntled "Isn't she always" from Clarke and the way Titus was clenching his fists tightly. She knew Titus was losing it. Clarke was always a little annoying and impulsive, a little too impulsive for Titus. "If she wants to go after me, she will go after the clans. Skaikru was only newly formed. She will see that as a weak point and she will attack you, form an alliance between Skaikru and Azgeda. People like yours would be pleased to have her as their Commander instead since she's definitely much more aggressive than I am. You have to understand Clarke, Nia is the worst thing out there. She uses children to force their parents into doing their dirty work, then she kills the entire family. She tortures her own prisoners, cuts their head off and send them to their loved ones bed. She is merciless and she will kill you." Lexa paused and took a deep breath. She was letting her emotions get in the way and she knew she couldn't let that happen again. "If she manages to claims your clan, the coalition will be destroyed. There will be havoc, and there's no saying that she won't try to kill me."

Clarke looked at her in disbelief even though Lexa knew the Skaikru leader had understood the situation. Clarke may be stubborn but she had foresight and she knew what decisions to make for her people. That was what made her such an extraordinary leader. That was also one of the reason why Lexa enjoyed arguing with her. Clarke did occasionally point out some small flaws in her plans that helped with the execution. Clarke was selfless, she always put her people first and knew what was best for them. Sometimes, Clarke would remind Lexa of herself when she was still new and fresh to the whole Commander thing, eager, bright but inexperienced.

"I don't care if you die or not. But if my people will get killed because of her, that's where I draw the line. I just want the coalition and the peace that comes with it, so you can have your land and station your stupid soldiers there to spy on me."

Lexa smiled and Titus opened his mouth to say something but Lexa shut him up immediately.

"Will that be all, Wanheda?"

Clarke simply huffed and stormed out. Another argument won.

"Heda, that was not a wise decision."

"What decision did I make that was possibly unwise?" She drawled and Titus flinched at her tone.

"Letting your feelings interfere with your decisions regarding the wellbeing of the coalition."

"Feelings? Are you implying that I have feelings for the leader of Skaikru? Or are you implying that I did not just reject her requests? Maybe you are implying that that the decision to have troops near every clan is not for the wellbeing of the coalition? If not, then what is it!" She boomed but Titus refused to be shot down.

"You brought Costia into the conversation, that was not necessary."

"Not everything is about Costia. I dislike Nia, and that is not because Nia murdered Costia. Nia is a corruptive, disgusting leader who should be removed. That, is the only reason why I'm doing this. Stop questioning my decisions if you are not going to be of any help."

"Sorry Heda, I'll go check on the Nightbloods."

"That, you will."

With a wave of her hand, she dismissed her guards and left for her private quarters. She knew that wasn't going to be that last time Clarke will storm into Polis and try to demand something out of her. It was clear, the hatred they had for each other. Clarke hated how Lexa never considered her people when making decisions and Lexa hated it when Clarke relentlessly challenged every order she gave out. It made her look weak, and she knew Nia was going to make use of this to break the coalition. For years, Nia had been trying to find Lexa's weakness and for years, she had failed. Every clan was loyal to her and no one dared to challenge her. Until Clarke's people came falling from the sky and started setting up their own bases all around. Even getting them to join the coalition had been tough. It was only when Nia had briefly attacked them did Clarke realise peace was the best option. The ceremony was kept short (Clarke was absolutely horrified to learn that she had to bow to the _manipulative, hateful bitch_ , **also known as the Commander, but she did so anyway, cursing and swearing under her breath) and her arm bore the mark of the coalition. That however, was just the beginning of all of Lexa's problems and the cause of her non-stop headache.

At first, Clarke had been Skaikru's ambassador. However, she kept interrupting Lexa and challenging her decisions, Lexa had no choice but to replace her with Marcus Kane before the other ambassadors started questioning her decisions too. She was well aware of the influence Clarke could have on the other clans. Unlike Clarke, Kane was understanding, wise and almost equally as defensive as Clarke. However, he was definitely less disruptive during clan meetings and voice his concerns in a more polite manner (Clarke usually just stood up and barged in with her opinion). Since then, Clarke was managed to clearly communicate her disdain for Lexa through Kane. Lexa somewhat felt bad for that man, if Clarke had something to say to her, she should just come here on her own. She might have told Clarke that once or twice because now, Clarke would always coming over on horseback every time Lexa did something that was 'wrong and inconsiderate to her people'. Lexa sighed and rubbed her forehead, she never had that much trouble with a clan leader before. The one person amused by her situation was Anya who relentlessly teased her, claiming that they are very much in love because "hatred was a form of strong love".

Lexa simply snarled at her and claimed just because she was whipped for Raven didn't mean that everything was about love. Lexa didn't have time for love. Titus always told her "love is weakness" and a part of her believes that even though she doesn't really listen to Titus most of the time. The last time she allowed herself to love, it had been abruptly taken away from her. Her life with Costia still haunted her now and then, the unforgettable memories keeping her awake all night long. Most people forget that while she may be the Commander, she was also a 21 year old teenager. Sometimes she thinks about how she barely had a childhood, sometimes she wonders what it would be like if she wasn't a nightblood, sometimes she would crave tender love and someone to just hold her. She would then berate herself for having such thoughts and dismiss them immediately, willing herself to concentrate on maintaining peace between clans and the standard of the people's lives.

Everything between the 13 clans was going good. The threat of Nia was unfortunately getting larger and scouts had reported Azgeda sightings near certain clans, especially Skaikru. Lexa knew Nia was going to make a move soon and she needed to formulate a plan as soon as possible.

"Heda, if I may speak," Titus came forward during a meeting with her advisors. Lexa nodded curtly and Titus bowed, "We need to make sure that Skaikru will not accept an alliance with Azgeda. We need to issue an order that any Skaikru member found to have made contact with a Azgeda warrior is to be killed. This way, they won't be able to ally with Azgeda and we will have Skaikru with us."

"No," Lexa shook her head and stood up from her throne, "We are not killing any more people. Besides, you can't be that stupid to think that such an order will not stop people from being in contact with Azgeda."

"Anyone who threatens the coalition should be killed, the past commanders have always enforced that. That is our way."

"That WAS our way," Lexa snarled and Titus immediately backed off under Lexa's intense glare, "I am not like the past commanders. They were ruthless men who were willing to sacrifice the people's life for their clan's security and strength. I am not like them. I want peace. I have always fought for it and I'm going to keep it that way. We are not going to kill unnecessarily and we are not going to force Skaikru into staying with us. If they wish to leave, so be it, but they will know of the consequences. Besides, I have a better idea, which can better help us stop Nia."

"And what plan would that be, Heda?" Joslin, one of her advisors spoke and she smiled, settling back into her throne.

"We will discuss that once Clarke kom Skaikru arrives here tomorrow with her group."

xxx

"I heard that a little blondie bird and her gang is coming over," Anya commented during breakfast and Lexa smirked.

"Of course you will be excited about that, can't wait to get into Raven's pants, can you?" Lexa teased her mentor and a blush spread across Anya's face.

"That-That wasn't. I'm not. We aren't-" Lexa encouraged her to continue her sentence but Anya just grumbled and threw an apple at Lexa. If not for her quick reflexes, Anya might have broken her nose.

"Stop it, you two! You are grown women, stop acting like children!" Indra shouted from the other side of the room and Lexa grinned. Breakfast was probably one of her favourite times of the day because she could be treated like a normal woman, instead of being the Commander. The two of them continued engaging in their less than friendly squabbles until they were oh so rudely interrupted by the pleasant face of Lexa's guard.

"Heda, Clarke kom Skaikru has arrived with her party."

"Bring them to the throne room, I will join them once I finish this good piece of cake."

"Your mum made the cake today, I'm glad you liked it," The guard quickly added before standing around awkwardly.

"Did she? I will have to visit her and personally thank her then. Thank you, Ilnos."

Ilnos, the guard, bowed politely and left.

"Another situation with Nia?" Indra asked as she sat down beside Lexa.

"You know it," the Commander grumbled in response. Indra hummed and stood up, adjusting her armour.

"I will speak with the scouts first, do enjoy your meal." Lexa thanked her and Indra left the room.

"Your mum is such an amazing woman, this cake is out of this world. It's phenomenal!" Anya moaned as she stuffed a couple more pieces. Lexa shook her head at Anya's obvious lack of manners and promptly finished her meal before heading to the throne room. She was pleasantly surprised to be joined by a well-dressed Anya on her way there.

"I'm gonna play your advisor, seeing as how I am after all, your one and only mentor."

"Well then, I would certainly expect some sound pieces of advice from you, Anya kom Trikru."

The older woman grinned as Lexa pushed the doors to the throne room open. Before the throne stood Clarke and her group.

"It's such a pleasure seeing you again, Clarke. I hope your people are well." Clarke simply scowled at the sentence and looked away.

The guards brought over some chairs for them and her advisors came filing in to. Titus stood in to her right and Indra to her left while Lexa took her seat. Everyone bowed to her before sitting on the wooden chairs. "As mentioned during yesterday's meeting, I have a plan that will help us defeat Nia, without having to kill any innocent people." She directed her glare to Titus who remained still and returned to address the crowd.

"This plan will however rely on the cooperation of Skaikru. If anything goes wrong on your end, it could jeopardise everything. I need to know if I have your support on this matter." The 5 representatives nodded their head. "We know that Azgeda will attempt to make contact with you. That's where you all come in. I need one of you to be my spy. Firstly, you will agree to an alliance on certain terms." Clarke gave her a horrified look as she spoke that sentence.

"We are not going to agree to an alliance with Azgeda!"

"I have yet to finish my sentence, Clarke. You will agree to an alliance on certain terms, and those terms are that you will supply Azgeda with guns, but they are to give you every single piece of information they have about me. I want to know their next move, what they are planning to do to the clans, which clan they will attack first. They will take it because Azgeda needs more weapons if they intend to start a war, which they most probably will if we don't stop Nia in time. However, the moment they lie to you or not mention something to you, you will break off the alliance and deem them untrustworthy."

They all looked at her, doubtful and unsure. Raven quickly came to her rescue and she stood up. The guards brought along a series of guns and riffles that look definitely different from the usual ones. "I've been working on some weapons that we can give Azgeda. They all have trackers on them, small and unnoticeable. Unless you sleep with it, you will barely notice the tiny little bump on its rough body. Some of Lexa's scouts told me that certain Azgeda warriors know how to use a gun. Don't ask me, I don't know how they learnt either. However, I've made these weapons complex. Press the wrong trigger and boom! You and all your mates nearby will explode. The right trigger is this one, right at the back. Positioning is quite awkward so no one will expect it. Every time a shot is fired however, I will receive a notification. And I can control these guns using my phone too so, we're all good to go. You're all welcome, by the way."

Anya was enjoying the smug look on Raven's face while Lexa just looked on impressed.

"So, are you going to cooperate with us or should I just let your clan perish under the hands of Azgeda?"

"Fine," Clarke grumbled and a tone became slightly more menacing and threatening, "We will do it, but if this whole thing backfires, if one of my men gets killed, I will destroy you."

Lexa didn't flinch at Clarke's threat, she was used to having her life threatened by many others. However, hearing it from Clarke had caused fear in her for a second, because it would destroy her, then it would destroy Clarke and even if Lexa really disliked Clarke, she did not wish to see the young leader suffer at her own hands.

"Very well, Joslin, do you have anything to say?" The woman looked at the other advisors and they all shook their head. "Titus?" The bald, old man stayed quiet, knowing better than to criticise her decisions now. Lexa looked at her mentor who just nodded. "That is all for today, the guards will bring you to the quarters. We will discuss further details of the plan when my scouts come back. Till then, you are welcomed to stay here."

Everyone stood up and bowed (Clarke did, begrudgingly and Lexa let out a smirk at that) before leaving the throne room.

"Clarke."

The blonde stopped and turned to face her.

"Well aren't you particularly feisty today? You were so tense throughout the whole thing. What, your girl didn't get you off?" Clarke commented and Lexa averted her gaze.

"If any Skaikru member makes contact with Azgeda without my permission, I want you to report that to me."

"So we are just going to ignore the fact that you are so tense. Alright then, but why should I do that? So that you can kill them? I told you, if one of my men gets killed, I will destroy everything about you."

"You wish you could, Clarke. That was brave, but stupid. And I'm not going to kill them, should something like this happen, I just want to know why and what your Skaikru member told them. He might lose a body part or two but you will get him back pretty much alive."

Clarke growled at Lexa and Lexa swore she could see steam rising from her ears.

"If you so much as lay a finger on any of them, you will regret it, Lexa."

Lexa lifted her head to a smile crept onto her face, "We'll see, Clarke kom Skaikru."

xxx

"I hate her so much Raven! She always speaks to me in that condescending manner and she makes decision that do not include me!" Clarke crossed her arms angrily and sat in bed while Raven sat at the table, tinkering with some of the weapons to make sure they will work perfectly fine. "She's rude, ignorant, manipulative and very hateful. She hates me because she's jealous that the other clan ambassadors like me. She's also always too easy to meet me and doesn't care about what happens to my people.

"She _is_ the Commander after all, pretty sure is very busy managing 13 clans. You shouldn't be that harsh on her, she's just doing her job. Being a leader, you can't always make the right decision, you just have to make the decision that is better for all."

"Why do you even know so much about being a leader?! I thought you were on my side!"

Raven looked up from her project and sighed at her friend. "Anya has been teaching me some things. Look, I am on your side, Clarke. But you are being too harsh on her. Imagine having someone constantly hound you to do something. Imagine that, but multiply it by 13. That's how much stress Lexa probably has to take on. You should make her life easier, not harder. I know you're just doing what is best for Skaikru, but so is Lexa. Trust Lexa, she is way more experienced and she has this group of people that will support her and she can place her trust on."

Clarke grimaced at Raven's words. She knew Raven was partly right. Lexa did have a tough job, being a Commander, but sometimes Clarke just overlooked that fact and saw an angsty 21 year old teenager instead.

"I won't promise I'll be nice to her, but I will be less rude to her."

"Maybe you can start with not threatening to destroy her. The guards looked ready to kill you in that moment and Titus' expression was just priceless."

Raven mimicked his killer look, jaw clenched and hands ready to take Clarke down. Clarke simply huffed and got up from the bed.

"Where're you going? Sky's dark."

"A walk, I can't sleep."

"Ok, stay safe, Clarkie! If you need help, just shout for Lexa. I'm sure she will come running in her shining armour," Raven teased and Clarke rolled her eyes. That was never going to happen.

The garden was a short walk from her room. She had been to Polis before and one of Lexa's guards had showed her this place on a short tour. Clarke settled on the bench in the middle of the garden. Everything was peaceful and quiet. She was surrounded by the cool air and the slow breeze of the midnight wind. The velvety darkness felt somewhat comforting and safe to Clarke. The sky was clear and the stars twinkled in a distance. Clarke took a deep breath and closed her eyes, taking in the fragrance of the flowers, the rustling of the leaves, the footsteps approaching her-

She jumped up and pointed the gun (which she always kept with her because she knew of certain people who would want to kill her) at the figure. The figure raised both hands up in an act of surrender and slowly came into Clarke's view.

"I guess you weren't lying when you said you could destroy me," The sarcastic, amused voice that haunted her spoke and Clarke put her gun down.

"I would have shot anyone who tried to creep on me."

Lexa said nothing and sat on the bench beside Clarke. They stayed in this position and peace until Clarke broke the silence.

"Why are you here?"

"Anya banned me from training at night."

Clarke looked at her puzzled. "Okay... and why would Anya have to ban you from training at night."

"I can't sleep." Lexa admits and Clarke couldn't say she wasn't slightly surprised.

"The big, might Commander is incapable of sleeping?" Clarke teased softly but it did nothing to change the suddenly sombre and tense mood.

"I'll have you know most of my generals have similar problems. They just have... people who are there for them at night." It took a while for Clarke to piece together what Lexa said and realisation dawned upon her. All this time she thought...

"Wait, you're single?"

"Yes, I'm single," Lexa growled, "The Commander does not have time for things like girlfriends or even..."

"Even?"

"One night stands." Lexa saw the surprised expression on Clarke's face. "It's all too risky, she could be a spy or an assassin. All this is for my own safety."

Clarke tried to process all this information but it was surprising and unpredictable on so many levels. "Oh, you're gay too?"

"What?"

"You said 'girlfriends', you like girls?"

"Yeah." Lexa hummed and suddenly the Commander looked like a fragile teenager to Clarke and she just wanted to wrap her arms around her. However, she stopped that thought before it could go on further. This was the manipulative, hateful bitch she was talking about!

"No wonder you are constantly pissed."

"I am constantly mad at you because you make my job difficult." Clarke was taken aback by the sudden change in the conversation but Lexa showed no sign of stopping. "If you continuously question every decision I make and every order I give out, people will start to think I'm weak, that I am incapable of making good decisions. The people will lose faith in me and when that happens, the coalition will break. There will be war. Nia will attack me and all of you will lose your lives. I don't think you understand, Clarke, but you are all my subjects. You all listen to me and disobeying an order will leave you in prison. If you have a problem with the way I'm handling things, you can speak to me personally, not in front of masses and crowds. You are in no way allowed to undermine me in front of the other clan ambassadors."

"Oh, so all this is just about your reputation now? What if I told you the decisions you are making are genuinely terrible. Asking Skaikru to form an alliance with Azgeda? Using my people to get you information? You think it will help you in your war against her, but it will only make everything worse. Has it ever crossed your mind that perhaps, Nia could be lying to all of us? We will lose everything. I refuse to be a part of your stupid plan. It is doomed to fail."

Lexa clenched her jaw at those remarks. "Clarke Griffin, only ever caring about her own people and not those around her. When there is a war, there are sacrifices to be made. I don't want this either, but it is the best decision and the best plan we have out there. Since you think you are a much better leader than me, why don't you come up with something much more substantial? Instead of constantly pointing out all my flaws, why don't you come up with something to cover them?"

Clarke stood up abruptly and stared straight into Lexa's eyes. "This isn't over, Lexa. I'm out of this plan and I'm going to leave at first light tomorrow. My threat still stands. If any of my people end up dead because of your flawed plan, I will end you."

With that, Clarke left, the branches crunching underneath her feet and the wind howling eerily in the background. Lexa sighed and buried her hands in her arms. It wasn't supposed to be this hard. It shouldn't have to be. She was always many steps ahead of the Azgeda ruler, she shouldn't have to stoop so low to get information. There had to be a strong and more promising plan. She just haven't thought of it yet.

When she returned to her room, Titus was pacing outside and immediately walked up to her.

"Where were you, Heda? We were worried."

"I was just out in the garden, what's the matter?"

"One of the nightbloods have been showing... signs. We don't know what it is and the medics are clueless. We thought maybe you could ask Clarke since her mum was a doctor."

"And why didn't you go to her room then?" Lexa asked, fully knowing why Titus was approaching her instead.

"She wasn't in her room. Anya and that mechanic said Clarke was gone."

"Send for the guards to find her?" Lexa pointed out the obvious and Titus turned his head away.

"Because you were gone too, the guards thought you two were..." His voice trailed off and Lexa was so close to stabbing him.

"So you just assumed that Clarke and I were screwing each other. You were the one telling me not to let my feelings affect my decisions and now you're bringing my feelings into this entire situation. If you need her, go and find her!" Lexa barked, outraged at the accusation. Titus bowed his head and quickly scurried off. Lexa pinched her nose and leaned against the wall, sliding down onto the ground. It was all too hard for her.

She opened her room door and saw the untouched bed. The slightly dusty chair was at the side and memories started hitting her hard. She knew why she was feeling like this. Costia's death anniversary was coming up. This year, there wasn't going to be a ceremony. There never was. Most people have even forgotten about it. Some didn't even know who Costia was. This year, it was just going to be Lexa, sitting alone on the balcony trying not to make a sound as the tears would fall down her cheek and her heart would ache. Then she would pick herself back up again and continue with her life as Commander. Was it supposed to hurt this bad?

She walked down the stairs to the kitchen and saw a couple chefs making tomorrows breakfast. They noticed her and quickly stopped what they were doing to bow to her. Lexa nodded her head at the resounding "Heda".

"Heda, she is in her room."

"Thank you, Walsh." The chef bowed and returned to his work.

Lexa stood in front of the wooden door and softly rapped the door with her fist.

"Alexandria?"

The door opened and her mum smiled, inviting her in.

"I wasn't expecting you today. I was just enjoying some supper. How are you doing?"

"You know you don't have to stay here, if you just asked, I would be happy to let you live near my room," Lexa rubbed her mum's hands softly but the older Woods just smiled.

"And listen to the moans of all the girls you bring back? No thank you, I'm happy where I am and baking brings me joy."

Lexa's face turned red at her mum's teasing reply.

"That was a long time ago," She whined and her mum laughed.

"So, why are you here. Don't you have better things to do? Like perhaps have a good night's sleep or seduce that blonde beauty from the new clan?"

"I can't sleep and no, ew, not Clarke Griffin. We are enemies. She hates me a lot." Her mum quirked an eyebrow.

"And they say hatred is a form of love." Lexa knew part of it was true. That was the story of how her parents met and they were the most in-love couple she had ever met. It was a pity her father was killed in war. At least he died a worthy death, instead of a crappy, stupid and completely avoidable death. However, she could never see herself and Clarke together. That was, she would rather die than be with the insufferable Clarke Griffin.

"I knew you were the one feeding Anya all that sappy crap." She retorted and her mum laughed.

"They are not crap, Lexa, Titus is just messing with your head. I know he tells you that love is weakness. But is it, truly? Think about it, did being with Costia make you stronger? Or did it make you weaker?" Lexa opened her mouth to speak but her mum covered her mouth with her hand. Honestly, her mum was probably the only person that could shut up up. "You may think it made you weaker because truthfully yes, you were soft. But in that moment of softness, you also made some of the best decisions. For example, having the idea to form a coalition and bring peace. Love isn't weakness, Lexa, losing love, _that_ is what makes you weak. But loving someone is never a vulnerability."

Lexa leaned her head against her mother's shoulder. She wished she could constantly have such comfort but her position as the Commander prevented her from having so. "It's her anniversary in 3 days," She whispered quietly, "I don't know what to do, I miss her a lot."

"Then maybe it's time you found someone. You will live a long life, Lexa, I know it. You have brought so much peace to the world. You deserve a fruitful and happy life. And you deserved to share it with someone. There are so many women out there who would gladly please you, you just have to open your heart out to them."

"Maybe." Lexa sighed. Her mum pulled her into a warm embrace and they stayed in this position until someone was knocking against the door impatiently. It was only then I realised i had fell asleep in my mum's bed and my armour was taken off and placed neatly in a pile. My mum was answering the door and I got up, putting my armour back on and adjusting my hair in the mirror.

"Who was that?"

"Titus, he says the scouts bring important news. He seemed very displeased that you were here."

Lexa let out a snort, "Isn't he always?"

"Thank you for last night," she smiles as she presses a kiss to her mum's cheek.

"You're always welcome here, okay?"

Lexa nodded once more before pushing the door open. Unsurprisingly, Titus was standing outside, a scowl on his face. "Say anything about my mother and I will make sure that is the last thing you will ever say. You may think you are important, Titus, but I can easily have you train another Fleimkepa to take over your job should you continue to undermine me."

"She should not be here."

"She is my mother, she can be wherever she wants to be. It's what she deserves. Now, enough talk about her. What did the scouts say?"

"I think you would to like to hear it for yourself from them personally."

Titus led her to one of the meeting rooms where the scouts that had returned were gathered and they stood straighter than before when Lexa walked in. Indra stood at a corner, having spoken to them before Lexa made her way there.

"Who's going to report?"

"Heda," one of the older scouts came forward and passed her a camera.

"What are these?"

"Pictures. One of the Skaikru gave all of us cameras to let us capture images. She also taught us how to use them."

"Skaikru?"

"It's the girl with Anya," another one spoke and Lexa nodded. It definitely sounded like something Raven would do. With the help of the scouts, she saw the pictures that they had taken. Nia giving a speech at one of her bases near Skaikru. The Azgeda army advancing towards Arkardia. The Azgeda Warriors making contact with Abby. No, they were too late.

"Somebody, go get Marcus Kane and Clarke Griffin. Now!" The guards scurried off and Lexa paced around the room.

"Have they made contact with any other clans?"

"No, just Skaikru."

"Are there still scouts out there?"

"Yes, I left 4 of my men there. They are well hidden in trees. The same Skaikru gave us these things to put on the trees. She said it will help us send a live something to her?"

"Titus, fetch me Raven. Thank you for your help, you can rest here and I will let you know what your next mission is."

The 4 scouts bowed and left the room. Shortly after that, the guards arrived with Kane, Raven and surprisingly, Clarke.

"I thought you were leaving at first light," Lexa whispered as she walked by Clarke.

"Guess I didn't?" Clarke shrugged and Lexa walked to her seat.

"Please, take a seat, we have important matters to discuss. Azgeda has already made contact with people from Skaikru. I believe Abby was the one who talked to them."

"How did you get such information?" Kane asked and she noticed Clarke's disbelieving expression on her face

"My scouts reported it to me. Believe me, I wish they were lying. We are too late and now, we need a new plan. I heard from them Raven had provided them with cameras and something that records it with a live?"

"Live feed. I have it right here on my laptop, didn't know you will need it this early. Wait, lemme pull it up." Raven punched a couple words and the stream appeared. She must have given clear instructions because they had a clear view of the surroundings near Arkadia. "When did they make contact?"

"Sometime after the sun had set."

Raven nodded and typed a string of words and reversed the footage to reach the moment. Through the screen, they watched the scene unfold before them. Azgeda warriors marching towards Arkadia as Ontari led the front. They stood patiently outside as Abby, along with some guards and other members on the council came running to the gate. They couldn't hear the conversation but Lexa knew what they were talking about. One of the warriors passed them a paper and waited while Abby read it. The resolution wasn't that impressive but the look on Abby's face said it all.

"That was most likely the terms. Knowing Azgeda, they will give Skaikru 5 days to give them a reply. We need to go to Arkadia, right now. We need to know what terms Azgeda has given Abby."

"Don't you think that's a little too rash? Maybe it's a distraction. Maybe Nia wants you to go there so that she can organise her surprise attack on Polis." Clarke argued.

"I have Titus and Anya here to defend the city. If an attack happens, they know what to do."

"I still think we should think this through carefully. You said it yourself, we have 5 days before my people will have to give them a reply. We are in no hurry, we have time to consider all our actions and make a rational decision."

"There is no time, Clarke," Lexa snarled at her threateningly,"You may think 5 days is a lot of time. It is not. Our priority is to get to Arkadia immediately and talk to Abby. We can't formulate a plan if we don't know what terms Azgeda has given them."

"Uh, sorry to interrupt," Raven popped up and the two of them turned to looked at her,"Right, what if I told you I can contact Abby from here. Through a radio. I gave her one before we left. Just in case. I have it right here with me."

"You couldn't have told us that earlier!" Clarke cried out and Lexa glared at her.

"Alright, alright, chill, no need to give me the death glare. I would have but you two just wouldn't stop arguing! Now, stay silent." Raven turned the radio on to the specific channel and prayed Abby would answer. "Abby? Abby, it's Raven, come in."

There was a static for a while and Lexa was beginning to lose hope.

"Raven?"

Clarke jumped up and fist pumped while Lexa heaved a sigh of relief.

"Abby, I've got Le- the Commander here with me. She wants to speak to you about Azgeda."

"Oh, yes, they came by last night."

"What exactly did they tell you, Abby kom Skaikru?"

"They asked to form an alliance and gave us some terms. We have 5 days to send them a reply."

"As expected," Lexa aimed her scowl towards Clarke who frowned at her. "What of those terms?"

"We are to avoid contacting you, which I guess we have already broken. They also want us to provide them with weapons and in return, they will give us food for winter."

"They know about our winter problems, this isn't good, Commander!" Lexa silence Clarke with her hand and Clarke spat at it. Raven quickly leaned forward to calm her best friend down and stop her from doing anything stupid.

"What of the council?"

"They are not opposed to the idea. We do not have enough food to survive and some of the guards are fond of Azgeda."

"What about you?"

"Clarke has told me what you told her about Nia. I don't think we should trust her. She will use us, then she will dispose of us and when we are no longer useful to her. I am forced to think of the worse when it comes to her, our people will be in danger and I'm sure that is something none of us wants."

Lexa hummed in agreement.

"We will let you know the plan in 2 days. Until then, make sure that word does not spread any further than it already has and no one makes any form of contact with Azgeda."

"I will try my best."

The radio went off and the incessant static sound filled the room.

"Well, I guess we're fucked." Clarke threw her hands up in the air and Lexa passed the radio back to Raven.

"We need to find a way to bargain for information, if not there is no point in agreeing to the alliance."

Lexa thought hard and long. There had to be an easier way. Think, think, what will Nia want? Then it came to her. Of course. She slammed her hand on the table, catching everyone's attention.

"I know how we can turn this to our advantage."

xxx

"I heard there's a situation at Arkadia." Indra spoke during one of their training sessions.

"Yes, I will need you to stay here with Anya and Titus and be ready for any of Nia's surprise attacks. There's no saying she won't try something like that." Lexa blocked a swift attack from Indra and went for her warrior's stomach instead. Indra easily blocked it and if not for Lexa's agility, Lexa would have been struck hard by Indra's kick.

"I will prepare the city for lockdown just in case. All soldiers will be briefed accordingly and we will unlock our defences if it comes to that."

Lexa nodded and bent down as Indra sent a punch towards her. "I always knew I liked you better than Titus."

"Please," Indra smirked as she landed a blow right on Lexa's jaw, "I never had to compete against Titus. That's all for today, you better ice that jaw before it blows up." She pointed at it and Lexa glared at her.

"No thanks to you."

"Not my fault you were distracted by the blonde who walked by," Indra teased and Lexa huffed and walked away.

xxx

"You do not seem well-rested for this journey," Lexa commented as she got onto her horse. Clarke simply yawned and climbed onto her own. Lexa knew she wasn't particularly well-rested either. It was the day of Costia's anniversary and she never expected to be on a trip to Arkadia instead of locking herself up in her room. However, she knew this was much more important that crying silently in a corner.

"I have doubts about your plan."

"You could always voice them out in that displeased tone and snarl at me. I am completely used to it."

"This won't be the end of all things," Clarke stated as the horses started to move.

"No, it won't be. It is merely the beginning. Things will just get harder from here onwards."

"Does it have to?"

"What do you mean?"

"I meant, if we killed her, once and for all, will all of this stop?"

"Possibly, but she is hard to get to. I have visited every clan before, except Azgeda. I've only been near their borders, I would not have known their layout if not for my scouts. It's dangerous, going there. A better idea would be to lure her out but even by doing so, there are a million things that can go wrong when Nia is involved."

"You don't say," Clare muttered and this time, Lexa chose not to ignore Clarke's comments.

"If you are not happy with it, it's not too early to pull out. I didn't expect you to be this afraid but it doesn't matter to me."

"Oh, so you think just because I'm unhappy with how this is all going to continue for god knows how many ears, I'm terrified? If anyone should be scared, it's you. She will probably kill you within the next few years." Clarke snorted, expecting Lexa to say something insulting back, however Lexa just smiled.

"If I were ever killed by her, she will be given death by a thousand cuts, and my spirit will be passed on. Just like how the commanders before me."

"Reincarnation? I didn't realise you would believe in that."

Lexa shrugged, "Only the fleimkepa knows the exact process. That's what Titus is for. All I'm made aware of is that the spirits of the pervious commanders live in me. They guide me in making decisions."

"So all this time I've been dissing not only you, but the commanders before you. Excellent, way to go, Clarke Griffin." Clarke grumbled to herself. The rest of the trip was fairly quiet and there were only a couple scares here and there. They stopped for a break a short distance away from Arkadia when they spotted Azgeda troops nearby. Lexa left with some guards to the base where she had soldiers stationed and she left some of her most trustworthy warriors to protect Clarke and her friends.

Lexa arrived swiftly at the piece of land that her and Clarke were arguing about. She had already sent a couple of scouts ahead at the break of dawn to get them prepared. Her soldiers were in full battle armour and ready to take orders. "I'm sure you are aware of the Azgeda troops nearby. I need you to keep a look out for any Azgeda near the route we will be taking to Arkadia." She pointed out the route and the soldiers nodded. Lexa quickly rushed back to the area where the group had stopped for a break.

Before she appeared the clearing, she got off her horse and let herself have a few private minutes. It was hard, holding all of her feelings in when she could already feel the tears threatening to be released. Thankfully she had chosen to wear her war paint today so even if she cried, it wouldn't be that noticeable. She rested her head against a tree and took in a sharp breath. It was all going to work out, she was going to get through today.

When she returned, they were all back on their horses and starting to move ahead. Lexa gave the signal and they moved forward close to the border. There, they got into formation, with Lexa in the middle beside Clarke and her guards surrounding them. They moved right to the front gate of Arkadia where the doors automatically opened and Abby stood in the middle, arms crossed as they alighted their horses.

"Abby."

Lexa reached out her arm and Abby grabbed onto it.

"It's good to see you, commander."

Lexa nodded and moved to a side to let Abby greet her people. Clarke and Raven was wrapped in her mother's tight embrace while Abby pressed a kiss to Marcus' cheek. Octavia came running towards them and jumped at Bellamy, who caught her effortlessly.

"Let us go, we do not have much time and we have lots to do."

xxx

That night, Lexa dreamt of Costia. They were going on one of their usual adventures like they used to when Lexa was younger. The two of them were enjoying climbing up trees and fighting imaginary enemies when Costia was rudely taken away from her by an Azgeda warrior who beheaded the poor girl in one swift move. She woke up, screaming and noticed how her clothes were drenched and that she was panting heavily. This wasn't anything new. Those nightmares never stop. The scenario was always different, but the ending was always the same. Lexa on her knees, holding Costia's head and crying. She sat on the edge of Clarke's bed and quietly sobbed into her palms as memories of Costia started to flood in and haunt her. Everything was brown. Costia. Costia. Costia. She didn't care if Clarke was awake beside her, she just wished the pain would stop or that she will find someone that can lessen it.

Maybe, just maybe, everything will turn out fine.

xxx

" _Firstly, we will let them know we agree, but let them know of our specific condition."_

The meeting took place in the forest on Skaikru territory. Bellamy had volunteered to be the messenger and he went alone while Azgeda had sent a warrior and Ontari to greet him.

"My leader has agreed to the alliance. However, she wants to add in another condition. This is what she wrote, 'Instead of food, we want you to provide us with incriminating information about the Commander. She is a liar and will not help us. We would much rather be in an alliance with Nia, the great Azgeda ruler. We will be able to help you take the Commander down, that is, if you intend to. After all, she does not know that we have no interest in her coalition. We merely joined to protect ourselves from the other clans.' She awaits a confirmation in 3 days."

The Azgeda warrior nodded but Ontari stepped in. "I speak on behalf of Queen Nia when I say that it is a deal. Queen Nia will be pleased to hear about the alliance."

Bellamy bowed and quickly returned back to Arkadia. "It's a deal, Ontari was there and she accepted the terms on Nia's behalf," he reported back.

_"Next, we will send them the weapons, but give them a quick demonstration beforehand so that they will not be suspicious about them."_

They were in the shooting range and the guards were teaching some Azgeda warriors how to fire the gun under the close watch of Marcus, Abby and Raven. Everything had gone well, by the end of the day, the Azgeda warriors understood how to use simple rifles. Raven had then proceeded to pass them crates of the modified weapons. The Azgeda warriors had demanded to check them and Raven gladly let them, only warning them not to fire it since it may affect the configuration of the guns. "These are much more advanced than the simple ones. If you fire it incorrectly, it might mess up the gun." The warriors nodded and grabbed the crates, loading them onto a cart and leaving with them.

Abby and Raven high fived as they watched the burly men walk away.

_"Once we start getting the information, we will know how Nia plans to attack the coalition. Everything will fall into place once we have secured the plan."_

Shortly after that, the information also started to trickle in. Abby would meet with a warrior every week and the warrior will pass her certain information. Raven would have Abby wired so that they could listen in to the conversation. Every time they brought up something unpleasant about Lexa, the Commander would scowl and say nothing. Clarke, however, found it very amusing and would even laugh at some of the things the warrior would say. In Lexa's opinion, this was stupid and the warrior deserved to be killed for speaking ill of the Commander.

After the first week, Lexa returned to Polis. She would have liked to stay in Arkadia and made sure they didn't mess up but she also had 12 other clans to manage. When she had to leave, she sent Anya over (who was elated and absolutely couldn't wait) there to keep an eye on them instead. Every once in a while, Lexa would make a trip there to make sure everything was in order. Her scouts would also report back to her twice a week. On certain occasions when Lexa stayed over, Abby would put her in Clarke's room and they would have the stupidest and worst arguments in there. Thank goodness the walls were slightly soundproof or Lexa's reputation would have been ruined right there and then. To say she detested Clarke even more was an understatement. Clarke had turned from being insufferable to dreadful and completely unbearable. She just wouldn't stop pushing Lexa's buttons and going against her every decision.

Things only started to get worse after a few months of the same arrangement.

At the next meeting, Abby was surprised to see a woman instead of the same disinterested burly warrior.

"I'm Abby," she said, reaching out her hand and the woman quickly shook it.

"Look, I don't have much time. I'm Echo, and I know you are wired so whoever is behind the scenes, please record this."

Raven had stumbled to press the record button and the room was pin drop silent as they heard the next few words.

"Everything Nia had asked her warrior to tell you is wrong. The things she tell you about the Commander is just things she make up to tell her people and slander the Commander. I am her top spy, I know everything that's going on even though she doesn't tell me much. She is planning to attack Arkadia within the next 2 months. You were smart with the weapons but I am very sure she is close to figuring it out. She has her best people on it. She will attack Arkadia and the Commander will definitely send her troops to defend Arkadia. It will be of no use because she has a huge army. If the Commander were to direct her troops to Arkadia, Nia will send Azgeda warriors to attack Polis and the other clans. The Commander has only that many troops and only that much support. The other clans might not be interested in supporting her in this war and she will definitely lose it."

"Then how can we stop it?" Echo shook her head at Abby's question..

There is pretty much no getting out of it. But, there is one way, the Commander has to form an alliance with Skaikru, something stronger than the coalition, something that will prevent Azgeda from ever stepping into Skaikru's territory. The coalition only protects the sovereignty of each clan. Not every clan must send troops to protect Polis should the Commander ever be under attack. You are also allowed to cross another clan's territories if you are deemed safe by the clan's own guards and defences. In the case of Nia, she doesn't care if all is well. She will take out your guards and defences in record time and you will be at her mercy. A mere order will not do it, Nia has no qualms about disobeying orders. It has to be something that even Nia will not want to disobey. Titus will know what to do should you tell him about it. This is not the first time this has happened. The Commander will need the full support of the other clans, as well as the complete protection of Skaikru territory. You don't have much time, Abby."

Abby looked at her, slightly confused but also worried, "How do we know we can trust you?"

"Nia took me away from my parents when I was a child. She trained me personally, along with Ontari. She always thought I was a Nightblood. However, when it turned out to be Ontari instead, she threw me aside, then proceeded to kill my parents. I hated her a lot for that. Since she wasn't paying much attention to me anymore, I decided to become a spy. She only noticed when I was always the one giving the most accurate reports. She decided to take me back after that and has been using me to infiltrate places and getting top secret information. I have been sent to infiltrate Polis before to report on the Commander. I only ever tell her what I think will not be harmful to the Commander. The only reason why I became a spy was to spy on her and learn of her secrets. I respect the Commander and respect her for forming the coalition. I will do nothing to threaten it and I merely want to keep her and your people safe. I've sworn it on my life and I will do it again."

"Very well," Abby nodded. "Thank you, Echo, for letting us know all this. Would you contact us again?"

"I will be sent on a mission to Polis in less than a week. Should the Commander be there, I would be glad to speak to her."

"I will discuss that with her. Thank you for you time." Abby stretched out her forearm and Echo's hand grabbed onto it. Abby looked straight into Echo's eyes and saw the anger and resentment towards Nia. With that, she quickly left the tent and returned to the meeting room.

In there, everyone was still reeling in shock, especially Clarke and Lexa.

"We're royally fucked," Clarke announced, "I called it. I told you she will lie to us." Clarke focused her gaze on Lexa who was deep in thought. "Look at the mess you've created now, not so mighty now are you, Commander? She played us, Nia played us and I literally do not see a way out of this."

xxx

A week had passed and Lexa still haven't come up with a way to fix this. Clarke came by to visit her along with Kane during one of the ambassador's meeting. Clarke, Lexa, Titus and Indra had a private meeting after that. Lexa had a plan, but she knew there was a high chance it won't work even if she would be forming the strongest and most powerful alliance she ever could.

"There is a way," Lexa hummed and she got up from her throne, resting her hand on the hilt of her sword, "Echo mentioned that we have to form an alliance that is stronger than a coalition and will once and for all, stop Azgeda from ever entering into Skaikru's territory because should Nia ever try to, I will have the full support of all clans to defend me should Nia ever start a war. However, you probably won't like it."

Lexa looked at Clarke and the blonde looked back at her, bewildered and clearly perplexed.

"Clarke and I will have to get married."

"Ok."

**Author's Note:**

> as usual, im on [tumblr](https://absolutemperor.tumblr.com) and [twitter](https://twitter.com/absoultemperor4)
> 
> always appreciating any comments and suggestions for part 2!  
> mood boards can be found[here](https://absolutemperor.tumblr.com/post/183117832477/clexa-week-19-mood-boards).


End file.
